Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
