They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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