my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
