sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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