You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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