Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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