omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
