i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
