All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
