respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
