guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
