the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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