She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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