omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Randomize
