He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He shit in the fireplace
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
