i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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