Jerry, you need to find god
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
