Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
