hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
