my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
