HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
