Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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