fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
