My nipple is on Facebook.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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