oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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