ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
