Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
