dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
