Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
