Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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