im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
