I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
