the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
