Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
