Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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