When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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