just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
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Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
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In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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