he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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