Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
