just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize