East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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