your parents love me but you hate me
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
