I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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