you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
