Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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