I wish I only lived at night.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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