I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
