When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
