I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
