If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
