1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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