I wanna bring you to show and tell
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
