We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
