her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
