You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
