i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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