I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize