WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
