I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
