So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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