Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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