I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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